Grief-stricken in spirit, I groaned and wept aloud. Then with sobs I began to pray: "You are righteous, O Lord, and all your deeds are just; All your ways are mercy and truth; you are the judge of the world. And now, O Lord, may you be mindful of me, and look with favor upon me. Punish me not for my sins, nor for my inadvertent offenses, nor for those of my fathers. "They sinned against you, and disobeyed your commandments. So you handed us over to plundering, exile, and death, till we were an object lesson, a byword, a reproach in all the nations among whom you scattered us. "Yes, your judgments are many and true in dealing with me as my sins and those of my fathers deserve. For we have not kept your commandments, nor have we trodden the paths of truth before you. (Tobit 3: 1-5)

Tobit perceives he is being punished by God. He is familiar with the history of his people and the teachings of the prophets. Tobit knows that his people have often failed to keep faith. He has read and heard the prophets' explanation that suffering is a form of divine correction and even an object-lesson for others.

Tobit is aware of his own sinfulness. He is conscious that even inadvertently we can be a source of hurt. Torah includes 613 divine commands. It is difficult - perhaps impossible - to consistently observe each and all. Only a modicum of self-awareness is needed to realize that most of us have failed and can benefit from correction.

Tobit has been exiled to Nineveh. He has been forced into hiding. His career as a trader has collapsed due to forces far beyond his control. He has lost everything except wife and son. He has been blinded. Surely he is being punished. Tobit does not doubt he deserves punishment. Tobit is confident he knows the will of God and it is God's will to punish him.

Even in our secular age I know many who are certain they know what is real. They are certain of their situation, their possibilities, and their destination. Some are sure of success. Others are sure they will not succeed. Each has their own definition of success. Most are trapped inside their own heads.

Too often I am also trapped. Too often I do not really look and listen. Too often I do not engage the external reality that is all about me. Instead I am performing a script I have rehearsed. I act as if I know beginning, middle, end, and meaning. This is either arrogance or delusion. Rather, the meaning is being made as I write my own story.